i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Mom said you looked used
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
