how hairy? two words: wookie tits
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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