If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
