he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
