At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
