We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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