Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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