I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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