You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
