I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
