I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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