I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
