Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
