Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Hippo gnu deer
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
