Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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