My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
