The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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