The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
