I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
