I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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