The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
