dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
