yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
