Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
