She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
