Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
