your parents love me but you hate me
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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