My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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