I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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