I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
