tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
