I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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