this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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