i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
