I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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