If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
