I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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