Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
