I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
