The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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