I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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