so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
