I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
