i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
