He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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