For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
