I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
