Tell her she can't have a vagina
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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