RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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