it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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