i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
