Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
