let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
