So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
