new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
