Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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