i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I am one with the molecules
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