I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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