I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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